The Low Before the High of the Dirty Little Secret

So, the dirty little secret is out and now I want to share with you what it was like to do the thing that I kept a dirty little secret. If you don’t know what the dirty little secret is, you may want to check it out here before you read on in this letter.

In the next letter, I will share the high of my dirty little secret a.k.a singing at the Songbirds Cabaret. However, before I describe the high, I want to share a quick glimpse of the low before the high. Afterall, the reality is that life is a series of ups and downs, correct? I hope to bring home to you what got me through the low to the other side. 

So, the low. Dress Rehearsal. Night before The WOW Stage’s Songbirds Cabaret. Our team had arrived from Florida and California and it was time to check out the stage. I remember being exhausted and enthusiastic at the same time. It was time to put over a year of practicing singing with Mick and Tess, my voice coach and Kelly my guitarist into action. 

And then the worst nightmare began, I looked out and saw the gestures, I heard the comments, the suggestions and quickly surmised the story in my head: “I sound awful”. In exactly 24 hours I was going to be singing on stage and I sounded awful (based on my interpretation of their actions and words). Talk about the fall of innocence. I thought I’d sound wonderful.  Horrified, I turned to the guitarist, my dear friend Kelly, I hugged her and just cried. I squeezed and hugged her as tears streamed down my face. I completely imploded. I was spending the night at the venue so my husband was leaving to head home. I remember longing to just go home with him. To be safe and sound in our bed. I wanted to run away from this and not look back. The flight in fight, flight freeze was fully ignited. 

We decided to wait until tomorrow to rehearse. It was a long day and perhaps the exhaustion had strained my voice. Perhaps performing on stage was disorienting (which it is when you’re used to practicing not on stage). 

I cried myself to sleep. Woke up at 5am and knew the only way was forward, through it. This was happening. People bought tickets. Our team and other performers were all planning to be there. There were a few precious moments that kept me moving forward that I want to share.  

Dayna Wood from Integrative Counsel, a dear friend, colleague and happened to be there as a participant and I were sitting in our cabin. A hustle and bustle outside as our cabin was closest to the stage. She and I sat and talked about “the WHY?”. I shared with Dayna how important the mission of this cabaret is to me. I wanted a parallel process to occur – that in me facing my dreams in one of the most vulnerable ways possible, singing, I’d inspire others to do the same. That the cabaret was about connection, illuminating the stories that bind us and using creative and performing arts to break through those binding stories. So, there, on our beds in our cabin, Dayna and I meditated on the mission.

We imagined THE MESSAGE coming through at The Songbirds Cabaret – not the nightmare I had chosen to take from the dress rehearsal experience. This was a mission, that our amazing team helped me make a reality. As soon as I locked into that mission, I felt clear, and started to rise on a higher level. I caught the wave and got to surf it for a good long while.


Stay tuned for what that was like in the next letter. Sign up for my newsletter to be the first to know!